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From the Files of the RJ's Surrealist Research Bureau

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From the Files of the RJ's Surrealist Research Bureau

Of Bloops, Behemoths and the Massive Moving Mountains of the Marianas

“What Rough Beast?”


We’ve all heard legends, usually fairy tales like early versions of Pinnochio or Sinbad, of maritime travelers encountering a large barren island in the midst of the ocean and sending a small skiff ashore to explore it when suddenly the massive “island” suddenly comes alive and roars loudly, sinking into the sea once more, leaving the survivors swimming for their lives. These tales may be more than legends!


Saint Brendan of Ireland’s pre-Columbian travels to America in 565 A.D. (documented in the 12th century manuscript “Voyages of Saint Brendan”) are discounted largely due to this very reason, his tale of encountering just such a living island; this despite his strikingly accurate descriptions of other places and sights he’d likewise visited on the way, such as Iceland’s then unknown “smoking mountains/volcanoes.”


According to nautical folklore such massive beasts are only sighted once every 200 to 300 years though as our modern day submarines and robot submersibles explore ever deeper and previously unknown sections of the oceans, we’re quite rightly coming into scattered, fleeting contacts and glimpses of “something big down there.”


During the Cold War with Russia the U.S. government placed thousands of underwater listening devices over wide areas of the ocean’s bottom in a top secret mission to track the movements of commie submarines, and in 1991 after the Cold War had faded, these underwater tracking systems were transferred to the civilian National Geographical Data Services Agency, which began recording peculiar underwater sounds (now called Bloops) that were the loudest noises ever heard underwater. These noises or Bloops came from no known animal; the Navy had previously recorded the sonar, sounds and voiceprints of whales, octopi, dolphins and anything else to help differentiate them from the sound of Russian, Chinese and foreign subs. Whatever the Bloops were, they were coming from a massive, football field-sized being that swam quickly away from any U.S. submarines closing in to investigate.


On 20 September 2003 the Russian newspaper Pravda reported that they were having their own Bloop reports after a deep sea research vessel in the Marianas Trench encountered a huge, unknown animal some 200 feet long. Once again, after comparing the sonar and voiceprint recordings, according to the Global Underwater Search Team’s website, the object was compared to all known sea creatures but remains unidentified.


Recently there’s been scattered reports around Tahiti of 40- to 50-foot great white sharks, 100-foot Megalodons sighted off Australia’s coast and 100-foot giant octopi and killer squid sightings around the globe. Cadbosaurus (a 40- to 50-ft long sea snake) is regularly seen off British Columbia’s shoreline, but the Bloop, whatever it is, is singularly unique. It’s a moving, living mountain, as big as a football field and it makes the loudest noises ever recorded under the ocean in history. Perhaps like turtles they are long-lived; maybe we’ll find the one who startled Saint Brendan so long ago.

But I speculate and digress; there’s a number of groups and websites devoted to solving the Bloop mystery; just Google “Bloop” and a few should pop up, I’d suggest Bloopwatch. And for you fellow Lovecraftians out there, I find it supremely ironic that the greatest number of Bloop reports come from close by that area of the Pacific where HPL put his fictional, mysterious underwater ruined colossus of R’leyh with its gargantuan dreaming Cthulhu!

You can listen to the Bloop online here


‘til next time, All Homage to Xena!

“Where slimy monsters ward the way
Whose eyes of phosphor, luminous, large,
Make darker still the nighted marge
Burning in bulks obscure for aye;...
Clear emblems, perfect similes,
Of an irremediable doom.”
From Clark Ashton Smith’s translation of Baudelaire’s “The Irremidiable”

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Jody Forest Jody Forest When he's not hidden behind the palatial gates of his Dover estate, Casa de Bozo, Jody is out using outdated and corny pickup lines on various gullible women.

Tagged as:

bloops, ocean, cryptozoology

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