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Matilda's DNA

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Has a bigfoot's DNA been sequenced, or is it all just a scam?

  I don’t mean to make this column a strictly Bigfoot News monthly, but there’s been a couple of recent developments in that area I think readers might be interested in. First, Dr. Melba Ketchum’s Bigfoot DNA research results have just been released and the source of her reputed hair and blood samples has also been located. Short, high quality teaser video clips have been previewed as well by the National Geographic TV channel (which paid a rumored seven-figure advance for the rights) which plans to use the full footage in an upcoming TV special as well as a documentary film which has been advertised for release in this month. Trailers for it can be found online.

The film and DNA results are the endgames of over six years of highly secretive research by The Erickson Project, who collected the evidence in two main locales, British Columbia and Kentucky. Internet rumors have abounded for years that the Project had somehow managed to place a GPS tracking device on a family of migratory Sasquatch. The DNA results, from one of the nation’s most advanced animal DNA scientists, Dr. Melba Ketchum, have been posted online and appear to show an as- yet-unknown-to-science hominid.

The film excerpts I’ve managed to locate, though brief, are relatively high quality. You can view them yourself by googling Erickson Project or Ketchum/Sasquatch DNA. The blood samples, according to Dr. Ketchum, were obtained by sprinkling glass shards around a cache of pancakes left for the Sasquatch family to eat (for future advertising marketers, they were McDonalds pancakes).

Matt Moneymaker, a longtime BFRO researcher, has seen the full, unedited films and says he’s convinced of their authenticity. The HD films, he says, show a family of three Sasquatches, a 9-foot male, a 7-foot female (nicknamed Matilda), and a smaller juvenile. They appear most like the Wookie Chewbacca from the Star Wars films, though with a black mouth and tongue and pointed, animal-like teeth. The nose appears human, however, though the brow ridge is more pronounced. 

Apparently a documentary film has been advertised for release mid-March and a TV special on Nat Geo is in the works as well. I can only thank Grid it’s not being done by those Finding Bigfoot clowns! (The Oxford U Bigfoot DNA study will not be concluded before summer, but since their collected evidence is similar to Dr. Ketchum’s, I’d be surprised if their results weren’t similar as well).

Dr. Ketchum’s Sasquatch DNA study results, titled; “Novel North American Hominins: Next Generation Sequencing of Three Whole Genomes and Associated Studies,” was just published in De Novo Scientific Journal (a brand new journal started, apparently, by Ketchum just to publish these results). Ketchum’s research seems to indicate a human hybrid (Sasquatch) emerged some 15,000 years ago, according to the DNA evidence examined by her lab and obtained through the Erickson Project.

Anthropologist and Idaho State University Professor Jeff Meldrum, a recognized Bigfoot expert, is currently trying to raise funds for the “Blimp Project,” in which a remote controlled blimp, equipped with a thermal imaging device, will begin searching next spring over wilderness areas favored by the ape-men (or men-apes). Though the University of Idaho has approved the project, Meldrum will have to raise the funds himself somehow. Reportedly, at least two cable channels are bidding for the rights to film a reality TV show following the expedition. 

Hopefully, by this time next month we’ll all know more, so ‘til then keep spreading the word: Soylent Green is People! All Homage to Xena!

 

Editors Note:  As this issue of TRJ goes to press, a number of biologists have voiced concerns that Dr. Ketchum’s methodology has been flawed and that her findings of an unknown hominid DNA sequence may, in fact, be that of a panda/dog mixture, i.e, contaminated and worthless. Further, the reported “marked resemblance” in the Erickson film footage to a “Wookie costume” may be just that, someone in a Wookie costume. More on all that next month.

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Author info

Jody Forest Jody Forest When he's not hidden behind the palatial gates of his Dover estate, Casa de Bozo, Jody is out using outdated and corny pickup lines on various gullible women.

Tagged as:

Surrealist Research Bureau, Bigfoot, sasquatch, The Erickson Project, DNA analysis, Matilda, Dr Melba Ketchum

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