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Strange Wiccans I have Known

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Surreal magick

“Man lives on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of a dark knowledge and it was not meant for us to travel far.”

HP Lovecraft

   Happy Halloween! In my college days my love of Surrealism led me into a weird world of witches. I adored the eldritch, haunted tales of HP Lovecraft and the bizzaro world of the Firesign Theater and corresponded and met with many of that world’s rising stars and elder statesmen. Robert Bloch, author of Psycho (“I have the heart of a small boy, I keep it in a jar on my desk.”), young Lovecraft acolyte Wm. Pugmire, David Ossman (the original George Leroy Tirebiter) and Yael D, practicing Witch.

Yael lived in a small, dark cottage in the center of town and made a frugal living casting horoscopes, which were all the rage back then, performing ceremonies and casting minor spells, dealing Tarot and giving Psychic Readings. 

Now, I had a few beginners books of my own on the subject but was simply blown away by Yael’s esoteric tomes on Enochian Magick, early Arkham House, and reams of privately published dissertations and studies of Ordo Templis and the Aleister Crowley systems. She showed me papers scattered on her desk, copies of Lovecraft’s spells from his stories, which she patiently tried to explain that she was attempting to amalgamate with Crowley’s system. I know now she was far ahead of her time; now nearly 40 years on I’d bet at least 80 percent of modern Magick uses calling forth Lovecraft’s Old Ones in their spells and incantations.

We grew closer over the next few months due to a shared love of literature, the occult, and sci-fi. She taught me how meditation was required of a modern magick=ian, indispensable in focusing the will. Her psychic sense intuited a darkness surrounding me which she later attributed to an energy vampire—not a real, physical flesh and blood vampire, for there are no such things in real life, but a rare human-type who sucks the soul force from those around them.

Now at that time, long before the U.S. became aware of the word Stalker, a neighbor of mine was making my life hell. I won’t go into details but he was a mean drunk and a bully, but Yael had just drawn my horoscope for me as practice (my what a lot of complex math involved) and told me there was a short window, opening in two months hence, in December, in which my problems could be made to disappear. She gave me a list of chores to do while she spent her time preparing spells and potions, always at the same time each evening, using different colored candles and incense depending on the stars. 

One of my own tasks was a visit to the Hall of Records to obtain a copy of my protagonist’s birth records so Yael could draw up his own horoscope to find the optimum time for her to cast her intricate spell. She also scribbled a few lines and numbers on a piece of parchment and told me to keep it on my person for the next year. My later research found it to be a tetragrammaton, a simple good luck charm designed to deflect and ward off evil.

I won’t go into the details of the rituals we attempted “when the stars aligned;” it’s enough to state that my bully/stalker was also a heavy drug user who contracted an obscure disease (at that time) called AIDS and wasted slowly away. He was dead by the following December. 

I relocated to Clark Fork shortly after and Yael moved to Seattle. We keep in touch and she still makes her living casting horoscopes and giving psychic readings. She’s written two sci-fi novels under various pseudonyms.

“Phnglu mglw ‘nafh Cthulhu

Wgah’nagl fhtagn!”

   ‘til next time, Happy Halloween, and keep spreading the word: Soylent Green is People! All Homage to Xena!

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Author info

Jody Forest Jody Forest When he's not hidden behind the palatial gates of his Dover estate, Casa de Bozo, Jody is out using outdated and corny pickup lines on various gullible women.

Tagged as:

witchcraft, wicca, Surrealist Research Bureau, Firesign Theater, Yael D

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