The Good, the Bad & the Ugly
Regular, or more likely, occasional readers of this column are no doubt aware that every few months I’ll devote a few paragraphs to local northwest mysteries like Ogopogo, Caddy, or more commonly, the latest Sasquatch news and sightings. In preparation I’ll generally catch up on a number of websites like bigfootevidence.com or cryptomundo.com, which is where I came across a notice of an upcoming study on Bigfoot, “Praise For The Hairy Man” (by Andrew Colvin and Jeff Pritchett, Medusa Books, 2013) which turned out to be one of the most God-Awful books I’ve read in years. I was literally stunned by its sheer, awesome ineptitude.
The authors seem to have a penchant for asking asinine, unanswerable questions about Bigfoot’s “inter-dimensionality” and getting just as “out there” replies like” “Sasquatch comes from a dying world from the asteroid belt beyond Mars, they change their frequency to 20 hertz,” and from another interview, “The Sasquatch were brought here genetically modified by the Star People,” or “it’s all about Bigfoot Angels shagging chicks and making Nephilim mutant babies.” Even serious, otherwise rational researchers like Jeff Meldrum, Stan Gordon, or Lyle Blackburn get ambushed by questions about paranormal UFO/Bigfoot connections. I think it was in a book review by the infamous Dorothy Parker that she said, “My main criticism of this book is that its covers are too far apart!” My sentiments exactly.
But the worst was yet to come. I ordered yet another Bigfoot book, this one by a woman in backwoods Washington state who claimed to have a whole Sasquatch clan living on her property: “Valley of the Skookum” by Sali Sheppard-Wolford (Pine Winds Press, 2006). Her “sightings” seem to consist mainly of “feelings” of being watched, of dreams, sounds heard in the forest, “feeling” a Sasquatch is nearby, “feeling and sensing” the Sasquatch sending her “feelings of Love.” Excuse me, can she “feel” my bile rising and “sense” I wanna barf when I read her book? I feel a technicolor yawn coming on, a rainbow surprise, a round-trip meal ticket! An old Indian wise woman tells her she can “sense” the aura of a Bigfoot surrounding her. Oh dear God, forgive me, I could not finish this book! In the words of Col. Kurtz, when reviewing a war, “The horror, the horror!”
Finally then, a ray of light in these mishmashed, horrible, horrible Bigfoot books, Lyle Blackburn’s “The Beast of Boggy Creek” (subtitled “The True Story of The Fouke Monster,” Anomalist Books, 2012) is a refreshingly well-researched and clearly written account of (with the exception of the Patterson-Gimlin film) probably the most famous Sasquatch of them all, The Legend of Boggy Creek, subject of and inspiration for the classic horror film of the same name. Tales of the creature have long existed in scattered pieces across the Internet, among news clippings and police reports, memoirs and random Bigfoot-Hunter-type TV shows, but Mr. Blackburn’s finally assembled the complete history in one place. If you buy only one bigfoot book this year, or ever, this should be the one. You won’t be disappointed! Chock full of photos, inside info on the making of the low budget classic, and interviews with many new witnesses, this one helped restore my faith in a merciful, loving Grid.
‘til next time, keep spreading the word, Soylent Green is People! All Homage to Xena!
MORE SUPPORT FOR THE EARL OF OXFORD AS SHAKESPEARE, FROM A RIVER JOURNAL READER
Jody's column last month, in which he speculated that Shakespeare was actually a nom de plume for Edward deVere, 17th Earl of Oxford, netted an email from RJ reader Alan Tarica. Alan also believes deVere was the genius behind Shakespeare, and he bases this belief on his exhaustive investigation of the sonnets. He says, "... these sonnets are keys to revealing not just a literary mystery, but one that plays a unique role at a critcal juncture in Western history." You can check out his detailed reasoning at http://tinyurl.com/a6ce5cx. He encourages your feedback.