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Julie's Faith Walk

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Divorcing God

Years ago I divorced God. We didn’t get along. I was sure He didn’t like me and I always felt judged and watched. So I said, "Let’s part ways."

But I still felt him watching me, silent and aloof. And I felt empty somehow. I didn’t want that God back and I didn’t really even want to think I was missing God, but now what I realize I was missing was a relationship with my Creator. It’s like having a good relationship with your mom and dad; it makes life nicer. And in some cases, it defines your self-worth.

So anyway, I didn’t really go searching for God, I went looking for a relationship to something greater than me, something that may not really be outside of me, but something that could act as a shining light, a ray of hope, an example of the best I could be.

One day I realized God was not what I thought it was. God, or the Divine, as I prefer to call it, is a river. I use the metaphor of an energy river of pure love and infinite peace, and it flows continually. It does not judge who flows with it, it simply flows because that is the nature of the Divine. It cannot do anything else except flow in love and peace. If you want to experience God, go to the river of pure love and infinite peace, and you can experience God. But God cannot be something other than this divine river, even if you really need it to be. It cannot come out of this pure love to punish you, or send wrath down to your enemies or anything actually that does not involve pure love and peace. God vibrates in pure love and it cannot come out of that vibration to be something else, or it would cease to be love. And God is only love! Wrath, judgment, punishment and disappointment are all specific vibrations, but not love.

So I realized the responsibility fell upon me. I had to venture to the river, whatever that meant. I was not a victim, and delays were my choices and all obstacles to that river were mine. Then I realized I didn’t have to go anywhere, the river was inside of me. It had been there all along, flowing like an underground stream. I could dip in it any time I chose. I could have a relationship with my own godliness. I could choose to allow that vibration to become more evident in my life, and I could share it with others. Suddenly, I found that emptiness was filled. Love started dripping out of my ears and my words were wet with loveliness. It was my own highest self filling me up and spilling out.

So the days I cannot find my connection, I know the river has not hidden itself from me, I have simply chosen not to live in love and peace, that’s all. God has not abandoned me. That isn’t even possible, when we have always carried the Source of Divine waters within us. Go with the flow!

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Author info

Julie Hutslar Julie Hutslar Recently relocated from Southern Utah, Julie Hutslar is an artist, author and spiritual counselor. Her goal is to challenge boundaries and has found that those in the mind are the most tenacious. Therefore, Julie uses the vehicles of painting, writing and her practice in Core Belief Restructuring to create a portal of ascension; a doorway to our own radiant divine selves! She is the author of Relationships: Gifts of the Spirit and has a practice in Core Belief Restructuring out of Pinnacle Health Center in Sandpoint.

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