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From the Mouth of the River

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From the Mouth of the River

Yousta Could

     "Youst'a could." You hear that a lot in the circles I run in. Not that I run in circles anymore, I take medication for that now. I found out, no matter what age you are, there are things you can't do that you "youst'a could" just yesterday. "Ferinstance," in the sixth grade, our teacher told the class that if we studied real hard, and with a little help from our friends, we could become President of these United States. I’ve about given up on that idea, even though the kid next to me said he’d sell me his chances for a nickel. He’s now the head of finance for some big conglomerate! Now we got some big, tall, goofy-looking guy who wants to be President, and a little, goofy-looking guy who, right now, probably wishes he wasn’t President!

There are things we outgrow every day, and don’t even know it, until it’s too late. For example,  last week we bought one of those ittie bittie digital cameras, top of the line, from a bottom of the line box store. We've been needing one of these cameras for a long time - for bidness - but they're very expensive, and a little sensitive to work. The last thing Lovely said before she went to town was, 'Don’t touch it. You know nothing about the digital workings of this camera! Look what you did to the clock on the VCR."

Well? That flashing 12 was running me nuts and a small peace of duct tape fixed it! 

Lovely hadn’t been gone an hour when I looked up just in time to see a large black bear moseying along the side of the barn, and without thinking I picked up the new camera. It fits nicely in the palm of your hand, very small, very expensive, top of the line. 

I waited until the bear turned the corner of the barn and was out of sight. I went sneaking along the side of the barn, knowing the bear would be just around the corner, grassing on the new clover that’s just starting to bloom. I pushed the “on” button, and in loud, musical tones the camera played, "Ta..daa..ta..daa. Chaaaarrrge!" at which point both of my dogs, who had been sneaking along behind me, got wind of the bear. They charged by me and around the corner of the barn.

Now I’m only four steps from the corner myself, so I thought, "I’ll just run to the corner and get some great action shots of the dogs chasing the bear.” Picture it—the sun over my shoulder, the green meadow with white clover, a black bear and two spotted dogs! "This is gonna be great, " I thought. 

I charged, just like coming off the blocks in track and field. With only two steps to go I raised the camera.  That’s when I realized I was only running in my mind. My body was stretched out as far as it could go but my feet and legs had refused to move! “Mayday, mayday~ I’m going down! Bail out, bail out, save yourself," I said to the camera, as I tossed it to its own demise. 

Kaawhomp, I hit the ground! Lying there listening to the dogs chasing the bear up the mountain, I tried to figure out why my feet and legs did not respond to my mind's demand to run! When my mind finished computing the problem, it came up with the answer: “Time.” 

Time had caught up with me. While my mind was doing 11.5 in the hundred yard dash, my feet were apparently waiting for a bus. Lovely said I could have seen time coming if I hadn’t covered it up with duct tape. As for the camera, it landed, un-hurt, in soft mud under the drip line of the barn. It was spotlessly clean and back in its place when I met Lovely at the door, with a big, innocent smile. 

“What the Hell happened to you?” she asked. "Did you fall in a mud hole?" "Yep,” I fessed up. I found out a long time ago not to lie to her (except that part about not ever being with another woman). Besides, when she checked the photos on the camera, the last picture was that of a big splash in a mud hole.


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Author info

Boots Reynolds Boots Reynolds The "internationally-renowned cowboy artist" Boots Reynolds has moved his comedic interpretation of life into the writing field with his regular column in the River Journal - From the Mouth of the River.

Tagged as:

bear, wildlife, aging

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