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Our National Fret

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The economic crisis in verse

Jack and Jill went up the hill to raise their son and daughter

to teach them right with their own insight, just like they thought they oughter.

But they brought with them their unwise gems of wisdom, traits and habits

like credit card debts, unhedged bets and more unlikely gambles

They’ve been coreced by the hunger and thirds of an economy world wide.

It’s been deemed okay to be in debt to stay and never ever be denied.

With an urgency to become hands-free and have it all at once,

they thought it best to show up the rest and flaunt superflous abundance.

‘Cept now it’s time for a little white collar crime and a market runnin’ amuck.

Yer 401K ain’t worth a bale of hay and financially yer pretty well stuck

with a house too big, a brand new rig and red ink on the rise,

you contemplate a different fate where you heeded these words to the wise.

To keep it sweet but keep it simple and keep your books in balance.

Save up fer things like baublles and blings by stickin’ to an allowance.

‘Cause that’s what it takes on account of the stakes are anything but trivial

and to insure that you remain secure and keep your mood convivial.

Now it’s way too late as the foreclosure rate is growin’ by leaps ‘n’ bounds,

even exponentially, a black hole that’s probably as bad as all that sounds.

Will it reallly suck us in like a vortex from within

or can we manage to divert major damage by committing another sin.

Fire up those presses boys and print another trillion bucks!

You know who gets to replay this noise, well it sure ain’t the guilty schmucks.

Unless, of course, you consider the source, that we’re guilty by association.

that we’re one big clan who fell n love with their plan of unconditional facilitation.

We put vanity first which started this curse by relying on braggin’ rights

to get by each day by being able to say “I can afford to burn all these lights.”

want it... try it! You don’t even need to buy it! Just open up an account!

Sign on the line, you’ll do just fine, you don’t need to know the amount.

It’s amazing to me how cocky are we with other people’s money,

but there’s kids unborn who’ve just been shorn and they probably won’t think it’s funny

We’ve gotta stop this crap and get outta this trap without chewin’ off a leg to do it.

But we know who blew it and even misconstrued it and payin’ ‘em all to unscrew it.

So here we sit in puddles of spit like a flock of clueless coots

while the ones at the top go to Paris to shop with their golden parachutes.

And so it goes that the CEOs get rewards at the end of the year

so they can sink their toes where the warm wind blows and think of who next to shear.

I heard one say to explain away the reason this all made sense.

“You don’t have to chide us, we’re the best and the brightest, it’s only our just recompense.

For if we don’t score we’ll walk out the door and lead some other big institutions

who seem perfectly willin’ to pay us a killin’ without fear of restitutions.”

“We only do what we’re expected to and that’s show a reasonable profit

but if it goes badly, I still need my Bentley, even if you have to rough it.

There’s nothing to dread if yer in over yer head, it’s not really as bad as it seems!

With money from Congress who’s under duress, we’ll refinance yer American Dreams.”

“Don’t call it a bail-out, that’s not the way out, but investments certainly are!

We need at least try while our confidence is high, later we can sell ‘em below par.

We even have the guts, no ifs ands or buts, to say this’ll actually make us money;

to buy this screw-up only sounds nuts, later it’ll taste like honey!”

There are bennies intended for those overextended, by golly and by garsh

and if you can be frugal by using yer noodle, the next years won’t be so harsh.

For many generations we’ve astounded other nations with innovations great and sundry

but now we survive when we need to revive by sellin’ off futures of our country.

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Scott Clawson Scott Clawson No, he's not the electrician, he's the OTHER Scott Clawson, who's a quality builder when he's not busy busting a gut while writing his humor column for the first issue of each month, or drawing his Acres n' Pains cartoons.

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